Navigating the Unknown: My Journey Through Pain and Uncertainty

It has now been over two years since my first neurological event, which led to a weeklong stay at Stanford, and yet I left without a diagnosis. Since then, I’ve been stuck in the "watch and wait" phase, undergoing detailed MRIs every six months to see if any new brain lesions appear. Fast forward to today, and I’ve had three strokes—still without a clear diagnosis. One of those strokes affected my thalamus, a critical part of the brain that controls the central nervous system. As a result, I now experience permanent pain on the entire left side of my body.

That particular stroke happened just over a year ago, and since then, the pain has gradually worsened. It went from uncomfortable to excruciating, and I now rely on 14 different medications, still with no definitive diagnosis. We can debate back and forth whether the COVID vaccine played a role in any of this—trust me, my family sure has—but that's beside the point. The fact remains: I’m in tremendous pain every single day. At this stage, I don’t care what caused it; I just want the pain treated.

Every time I visit a doctor, they ask if I’ve spoken to someone—like therapy is the answer. But what is there to talk about? I’ve already seen three therapists, all virtual, because no one in my area is accepting new patients. While they rave about the benefits of virtual therapy on TV, the reality is that unless they have qualified therapists who stick with the platform, it’s ineffective. So instead of continuing down that path, I’ve decided to try something different—writing it all out. I’m hoping that this form of release will help me move forward, or at the very least, allow me to let go of the past two years.